many years ago, in a first marriage, i avoided sex with my spouse because it was too frustrating.   he probably thought i didn't like sex.    what i didn't like, and dreaded like the plague, was the emptiness i felt during sex, and the frustration of being unable to reach orgasm.   what i did like, was the sexual energy of illicit intrigues and affairs.   i didn't know i was a sex addict way back then,  and didn't find out until about 7 years ago when my libido took control of my life.looking back, i can now see my pattern  of active addiction phases, waxing and waning like the moon.     a few years of acting out sexually, followed by  avoidance of sexual intimacy.   a counselor once described it as my "good girl/bad girl" pattern.  i hate this pattern. i hate how i'm feeling these days... alone... withdrawn... lifeless. where is the balance?