I am seeking help desperately.  I was going to attend a meeting tonight, but I sat out in the parking lot afraid.  My therapist recommended I attend one of the meetings, and it is not the first therapist to do so.  I have had problems with sex addiction since I was about 11 years old.  That is when my addiction with pornography started and later progressed to phone sex.  Now...I am acting out my fantasies in an even more unhealthy way.  I am actually meeting random men and having sex with them.  I am afraid I am going to end up dead or with HIV or pregnant with some strange man's baby.  This has gotten out of control, and it is really hard to accept.  I thought that it was purely the orgasm I was hooked on, but now I realize that I was merely keeping my distance emotionally from men by having sex with them and not talking to them again.  A guy 'got in my head' this week, and I just found out he has a girlfriend.  Now, please realize I am married and have no room to be upset, but the fact that he is using me as much as I thought I was using him has hurt me really bad.  I feel gross and disgusting, trashy and demoralized, yet the insanity of it all is that I want to go out and have sex to cope with it.  Like if I got a man off that would validate who I am as a person.  If anyone can suggest what to do or can relate, please share.  I need to know I am not a freak and there are other women out there suffering like me.  I am my worst enemy right now, and I am scared.  I may try a meeting tomorrow, but once again I am frightened, and I guess I will have to see.