by Ron K. My partner and I just returned from Portland , Oregon , where we were married for real. We have been living together as lovers for over 21 years, and never thought this day would come! The experience was incredibly emotional and moving, and everyone in Portland was very nice and supportive. You can't imagine how grateful I am to have been able to experience this gift, and I believe that it was only possible through working my program of recovery. Three years ago I was arrested and charged with a felony sex offense. At that time I had been with my partner for about 18 years. He was disappointed, shocked, and in disbelief about what had happened, especially when he started inspecting my computer and saw the extent to which I had become addicted to sex on the internet. To say that I was "in the doghouse" would be quite an understatement. We moved into separate bedrooms in our house, and began the long, painful process of trying to put our lives back together again. Fortunately my partner agreed to enter into couple's therapy with me, and my therapist recommended that I attend an "S" meeting. I had never heard of sex addiction and did not know that people could be addicted to sexual behaviors. Furthermore I had never heard of 12-Step programs for those suffering from sexually compulsive behaviors. I can still remember attending my first meeting, and how frightened and ashamed I was. Over the next six months I began working a 12-Step Workbook, and reading Hope and Recovery . I got a sponsor and drew up a sexual recovery plan. Perhaps the hardest part was agreeing to make 90 phone calls to people on my phone list in 90 days. These actions were very helpful in rebuilding my partner's trust, which had been totally decimated. Of course my recovery was for me, but I was also praying that I could somehow repair my relationship with my partner. Everything was going great and perhaps I was experiencing the "pink cloud", but I thought I had everything under control until I had a slip about six months into the program. Of course this was a tremendous setback for my relationship, and hearing my partner asking me if I really thought I wanted to stay with him was extremely painful. It hurt me to see him in such despair and pain. Luckily he was able to understand that addiction is a family problem, and not just the addict's problem. He continued to work with me in couple's therapy. The thing I finally learned from the slip was how to turn over my powerlessness to my Higher Power. I couldn't do it myself, and I needed God's help, and I needed my program buddies' help. I really no longer wanted the chaos of sex addiction and I really prayed for the first time for God to just take it away from me. I no longer had any delusions that I would someday be able to just "treat myself to sex" once in a while. I knew I could no longer use pornography. I knew I could no longer use the Internet for sex. I had to let it go, or my life would be destroyed. I knew I also had to finish working the Steps, which I did in a year-long Step Study Group. Miraculously, when my case came before a judge a year ago, I was allowed to plead guilty to a misdemeanor and I was not given any jail time. Also, my record is now being expunged. I know I will be in the program for the rest of my life, but I now have a life again. It has been a long process to restore my relationship, but we actually are better off now than we used to be. We have learned to communicate, how to be vulnerable with each other, and we no longer have to be "perfect". You can't imagine my gratitude for the gifts that the program has brought into my life over the last three years. When I first got arrested many of my friends told me that they couldn't believe that my partner had not left me. I know that that has happened to many people in these fellowships. But the promises of the program can come true and I'm living proof of that. I can now tell you that it feels much better standing in front of a judge being happily married to someone who believes in me, than it was standing in front of a judge to make amends for my actions as a sex addict! Rick M. The opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the opinions of AASG or its members.